LUCY ŞiiENIZ

The concept of ‘stars are not for counting on’ began whilst I was travelling semi-alone in Türkiye visiting family. I knew that I wanted to start writing fiction from the perspective of a young girl navigating the world as she grows up exploring her emotions/ thoughts in solitude.

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The stars have always been very important to me, acting as a recurring source of comfort in their consistency as their placement is the across the world, it is just our perspective that differs . I remember being young and far from family and taking consolation in that they were looking at the same night sky as me. The stars also fascinate me because even though they appear so consistent over time, they’re constantly changing and re-generating just like our own lives, where the circumstances change but we are fundamentally the same person as long as we live. 

 

My mother’s mother is an astrologer, so the study of stars and their meaning is very close to home. When I was young and staying at her house, I’d stay up late whilst she was sleeping and read through all her star-related books, blurring my reading of fiction novels with the fantasy of the real, too young to understand what I was reading about but taking pleasure in that there was something out there, knowing me. 

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Moreover, I wanted to pay homage to the wisdom and independence of women in my family and shed light on the blessing of the freedom which stars connote through their old purpose in navigation. I reflected on the freedom to leave difficult domestic situation and how tricky this subject is across cultures. Although I love the stars, I am also aware that the notion of fate/ circumstance can lead individuals to believe it is their duty to stay and fulfill roles that leave them deeply unsatisfied. I had this image of a woman counting on the stars, waiting for her life to start but it never happens. Maybe, she is brave enough to enact the change she desires, but it is not possible.  I don't want to glamorise these stories of women leaving in the search for something greater. I tried to encapsulate the emotional turmoil of pain and the intensity of grief that comes with starting over.  This project is really an expression of gratitude to all the lives of women and their sacrifices for freedom, whilst also acknowledging the power of the thoughts of those who can’t leave.

 

 

 

In the text, the protagonist uses writing and words as a place of refuge. My interest in the power of words, language and communication was developed in Türkiye when I couldn’t fully speak the language. I remember me and my cousin speaking in English and my grandmother getting annoyed at us, saying it was unfair as she didn’t get the opportunity to learn English. Language and education is also something I wanted to honour. 

 

The fractured nature of the prose is because the story itself is incomplete, and I am working on this as a wider long-term project. As the drawings and designs show, I have more ideas that I want to explore in relation to these themes. I wanted to include the beach environment as a liminal state where things change, and it is also a site of migration to new places for better opportunities. 

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The textiles and clothes complemented my concept as needlework and sewing is traditionally a domestic task and an activity that connects me to both of my grandmothers. I started to think about my childhood bedsheets and fabric as a source of comfort like blankets, muzzies ect. and I thought this worked nicely with the innocence of the protagonist in the text. I included embroidery of key motifs which didn’t make their way into the text but that I wanted to develop further: shells and beachcombing finds alongside the fish, and more abstract patterns which lean into this developing idea of ‘disturbed dreams’ - drawing on Surrealism, the Uncanny and the Hypnagogic state (the state between wakefulness and sleep) which I am fascinated by. I want to further explore this weird, contorted dream state and the tricks that the mind can play.

 

My logo is also a star with a spiral in the centre to symbolise nazar, intuition and interconnectedness.